party banter is always fun during the groom's last night out. A
great way to start the bachelor party is with a few good
bachelor party jokes. It is also great to throw some bachelor
party jokes out during the
bachelor party games you may play throughout the party. We
have listed some of the best bachelor party jokes below that you
can print out and have the groomsmen rolling:
Ode to the Close of Singlehood
At the bachelor party, have one of the
stand up and state to the bachelor:
"Are you ready
to get married since what it will bring you is the
"One who gave up in Life, Liberty and the Happiness of
"One who says farewell to Wine, Women and guns."
"One who would never forget his mistakes."
"One who must get into bed from one side."
"One who must leave the party when he starts having a good
When he states yes,
then state, "What am I talking about, I should be really reading
this list to your bride as she is the one to lose all of these".
In The Auto Zone
At a bachelor party, one of the
who is a virgin asks the bachelor if he can give him advice on
getting laid for his first time. The bachelor states to just go
up to a
girl who looks easy buy her a drink and ask if she wants to
go back to your place to get it on. The bachelor then points to
a hot girl who is looking at the virgin groomsman. The virgin
goes up to the girl sits down, buys her a drink and proceeds to
ask her if she would like to get it on back at his place. The
hot girl states "I would like to but I am on my menstrual
cycle". The groomsman replies, "That's okay, we can place your
helmet in my car and I can drive".
Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring
Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Q: What are three words you dread the most while
A: "Honey, I'm home."
A guy out
on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he
falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.
He said "How bad is it doc?.....I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancée
is still a virgin in every way."
The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your willie in a splint to let it heal and
keep it straight. It should be okay next week."
He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and wired it all
together; ...an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon. That
night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts. This
was the first time he had seen them.
She said, "You're the first; no one has EVER touched these breasts." He
immediately drops his pants and replies,......"Look at this, .....it's still in the
A man walks into a bar for a drink and spots his
best friend sitting in the corner looking very very sad, so he walks over to try to cheer
him up. "Jack, what's the matter? You look like you lost your best friend."
"My wife told me she wasn't going to talk to me for a month." replies Jack.
"What?!? That bums you out? If that happened to me, I'd be happy about it!"
"Me too." says Jack "Today's the last day."
Q. Why do women fake orgasms?
A. Because they think men care.
Q. How do you make five pounds of fat look good?
A. Give it a nipple.
Lack of Sex Drive
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%...
There are three blondes stranded on an island.
Suddenly, a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish. The first blonde
asks to be intelligent. So, instantly, the fairy turns her into brunette, and she then
swims off the island. The next blonde asks to be even more intelligent than the previous
one. So, instantly, the fairy turns her into redhead. The redhead builds a boat and sails
off the island. The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous
two. So, the fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.
What's the best thing about a blowjob? 10
minutes of peace and quiet.
The scene is the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve
have just finished making love. God looks down, sees Adam, and asks, "Where's
Eve?" Adam replies, "She's down at the creek, washing up." God smacks
himself in the forehead, and exclaims "Great, now how am I ever going to get the
smell off those poor fish!"
My fiancé, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other
day so he would be able to monitor my moods.
When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a
big red mark on his forehead.
Q: What are the three rings of marriage?
A: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring and SuffeRing
Marriage and Hot Tubs
Q. Why is marriage like a hot tub?
A. Once you're in it its not so hot!
Thanks to our bachelor party visitor Shawn for this one
Bachelor Getting Married
"I'd like my wife to be
beautiful, well-behaved, smart and rich." the bachelor said.
"Oh, well, then you have to get married four times."
A man says to his friend,
"I haven't spoken to my wife since we got married"
The friend says, "Why not?"
The man says, "I don't like to interrupt her."
Laxatives - A favorite bachelor party joke
Question: How is a woman
like a laxative?
Answer: They both irritate the shit out of you!
The bachelorette's drive
Question: What food
reduces a woman's sex drive by at least 90 percent?
Answer: Wedding cake
A man and a woman are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road.
They stop; the woman gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car. She says,
"Look, it's shivering, it must be cold. What should I do?"
He says, "Put it between your legs."
She says, "What about the smell?"
He says, "Hold its nose."
Black & White
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother,
"Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her
life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So, why's the groom wearing
If you have
any jokes you would like us to add, please
and we will see about placing it on the page.